A Sermon Based Upon Genesis
22: 1-14; Ephesian 6: 1-4, NRSV
By Rev. Dr. Charles J.
Tomlin, DMin.
Flat Rock-Zion Baptist
Partnership
Pentecost +20, October 18th, 2015
If you
haven’t noticed, there are not many Scripture passages directly addressing how
to be a parent. Perhaps there is good
reason for this. I once read about someone
who was going to write a book on parenting.
He was first going to titled it “How to Raise a Child”. Then after having his first child the titled
changed to “Suggestions on Raising Your Children”. Finally after having a couple more children
he decided to entitle his book: “Help, I’m a Parent!”
It is not
easy to be a parent—in our age or in any age.
The Bible is full of stories about children who had good parents, but in
spite of that, those children struggled (David, Esau, Samson). There are even stories of children who had
difficult parents, but turned out well (Abraham, Moses, and Hezekiah). So, what kind of help does the Bible give us
when it comes to parenting?
If you
are looking for specific instructions, the Bible does not have very much to
give. But if you see the Bible as a
sacred book that gives us values and beliefs that can shape behavior and
decision-making, then the Bible is rich in resources. It is rich because good parenthood depends
mostly upon good personhood.
So, how
does our Christian faith help us become good parents who raise good persons? What kind of spiritual resources can our
faith give us? Of course becoming a
Christian is important, but becoming a Christian is a process which must also
mean being a Christian in ways parents will model for us? The main question that comes to parents today
is how can we pass on, not just our family values, but also our faith values when
the world around us both belittles and depreciates most of what we do? Once
upon a time, we could just let our children grow up in a Christian home, or be
baptized and the world around them would shape them into people character, courage
and faith. It is no longer that simple,
if it ever was. Now, the world around us
has become so hostile, so oppressive and so much more complex, that parenting
our children and guiding them into our faith means that we must raise them even
more intentionally as ‘in the world’
(Jn. 17:11) but not ‘of the world’
(Jn. 17:9)
Is there
any realistic biblical model for Christian parenting when the pressure to
‘conform’ to the downward pull in the
world is getting stronger (Rom. 12:1)?
According to the popular evangelical understanding of the threat of eternal
damnation, with the world’s negative current and sway being so strong, the logic could suggest that it would be
better if our children had not been born, or worse, that they not even live to
the age of becoming accountable because they are less likely to find
faith. Even Jesus saw such a negative
moments coming to the world when he said “Blessed
are the barren and the wombs that never bore…(Luke 23:29). In such difficult, even apocalyptic
times, it could be argued that since
children are so easily overpowered or led astray by the evil of the world, and
because of the lessening chance they have of redemption or salvation, it would
be better that Christians didn’t have, or even worse, that they didn’t make it
to the age of personal accountability (See this argument in Rob Bell’s
book, “Love Wins” as told at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/christian-piatt/what-does-the-bible-really-say-about-parenting_b_954718.html).
As
outrageous and shocking as this all sounds, the very idea of giving our
children to God, even before they have any choice in the matter, is the very kind
of outrageous event we read about in in Genesis 22, where Abraham, the father
of our faith (of Judaism and Islam too), hears God telling him to sacrifice his
own son Isaac. The worst part of this
story is that child sacrifice was common among many religions in Abraham’s
day. The good news of this story is that
the God of Abraham didn’t require such offerings and prevented Abraham from
going through with it. In this strange
‘test’ of faith, Abraham discovers that
following God as man of faith, and as a parent, is to trust that God will
provide whatever is necessary to keep us trusting in him.
CHILDREN AS A GIFT TO THEIR PARENTS AND TO
THE WORLD
Let’s
look at this very ‘strange’ story a bite closer for a moment. At the core of that ancient story was not
merely the story of God asking Abraham to do or not to do what other religions
were doing, but the core of the story was about who ‘Isaac’ was and how much
Abraham needed to keep trusting God for the future. Now that this ‘son of promise’ was finally born to Abraham and Sarah as a unique gift
from God, the fulfillment of God’s promise to Abraham was just beginning to
come true (See Gen. 12). As a child born after their child-rearing
years, God gave them this gift only on God’s terms, because God wants to bless
the world through this child. Perhaps
the most important lesson for us today, is that the gift and blessing of
children are only gifts to us when we give them back to God as a gift for the
future of the world.
But how
do we receive our children as a gift from God, we must also give back to
God? Could there be any better
self-understanding our children to have than they are gifts to us and they are
gifts for the world? I shudder to
think any child might grow up in a Christian home without such wonderful
knowledge. How sad it would be for a
child to think they were born as a burden, an accident, or a liability? Recently, in Lincoln County, my
brother-in-law told me about a Puerto Rican man who had been lived a life of
drugs running around with street gangs.
Do you know why he choose this?
He said that when he entered a gang, it was the first time in his life
that he felt that anyone loved him for who he was. Can there be any more important
self-knowledge than a child knowing they are a gift---from God and for God?
When a
seminary professor was vacationing with his wife in Gatlinburg, Tennessee, he
and his wife were eating breakfast in a little restaurant, hoping to enjoy a
quiet, family meal. While waiting for their food, they noticed a distinguished
looking, white haired man moving from table to table, visiting with the guests.
The professor leaned over and whispered to his wife, "I hope he doesn't
come over here." But sure enough, the man came over to their table.
"Where
are you folks from?" he asked in a friendly voice."Oklahoma,"
they answered. "Great to have you here in Tennessee," the stranger
said. "What do you do for a living?" "I teach at a
seminary," he replied. "Oh, so you teach preachers how to preach, do
you? Well, I've got a really good story for you."
And with
that, the gentleman pulled up a chair and sat down. The professor groaned and
thought to himself, "Great. Just what I need -- another preacher
story!" The man started, "See
that mountain over there?" He
pointed out the restaurant window. "Not far from the base of that
mountain, there was a boy born to an unwed mother. He had a hard time growing
up because every place he went, he was always asked the same question: 'Hey,
boy, who's your daddy?' Whether he was
at school, in the grocery store or drug store, people would ask the same
question: 'Who's your daddy?' He would hide at recess and lunch time from other
students. He would avoid going into stores because that question hurt him so
bad.
When the
boy was about 12 years old, a new preacher came to his church. He would always
go in late and slip out early to avoid hearing the question, 'Who's your
daddy?' But one day, the new preacher said the benediction so fast, he got
caught and had to walk out with the crowd.
Just about the time he got to the back door, the new preacher, not
knowing anything about him, put his hand on his shoulder and asked him, 'Son,
who's your daddy?' The whole church got deathly quiet. He could feel every eye
in the church looking at him. Now everyone would finally know the answer to the
question, 'Who's your daddy?'
The new
preacher, though, sensed the situation around him and using discernment that
only the Holy Spirit could give, said the following to the scared little boy:
'Wait a minute! I know who you are. I see the family resemblance now. You are a
child of God.' With that, he patted the boy on his shoulder and said, 'Boy,
you've got a great inheritance -- go and claim it. 'With that, the boy smiled for the first time
in a long time and walked out the door a changed person. He was never the same
again. Whenever anybody asked him, 'Who's your daddy?' he'd just tell them,
'I'm a child of God. 'The distinguished gentleman got up from the table and
said, "Isn't that a great story?"
The professor responded that it really was a great story.
As the
man turned to leave, he said, "You know, if that new preacher hadn't told
me that I was one of God's children, I probably would never have amounted to
anything!" And he walked away. The seminary professor and his wife were
stunned. He called the waitress over and asked, "Do you know that man who
was just sitting at our table?" The waitress grinned and said, "Of
course. Everybody here knows him. That's Ben Hooper. He's the former governor
of Tennessee!" (http://reformedanglican.blogspot.com/2007/05/whos-your-daddy-urban-legend-or.html).
PARENTS AS A GIFT TO THEIR CHILDREN
As great
as it is, it is still not enough for your child to be raised in the knowledge
that they are gifts from God and for God.
The greatest thing a parent can ever do for a child is to give them their
own ‘blessing’ by simply being their parent.
Just because you have given birth to a child, does not make you a
parent, and just because you take or send your child to church, does not make
you a “Christian” parent nor give them a Christian blessing. So, how do we define it? What does it mean to not just ‘receive’ your
child as a gift from God, but what does it also mean to ‘give’ your child back
as to God to be a gift, so that they are a blessing and not a burden for the
world?
In Paul’s
letter to the Ephesians, Paul gives household rules (German: Haustalfen, or literally ‘table rules’)
to both children and parents, especially to Fathers, whom he has already
referred to both culturally and spiritually, as ‘head of the wife (Eph 5:23) and is not understood to be ‘head’ in
parenting (Eph 6:4). Of course, this too
runs counter to the thinking of many men, that parenting is mostly the job of
the mother. It appears that God has
given mothers the most instinctive role of parenting, but in faith, God now
calls upon fathers to join with their wives in fulfilling the parental
responsibility.
After reminding
children of their own responsibility to ‘obey’
their parents as they continue to Honor
your father and mother” throughout their lives, Paul reminds the Ephesians that
this ‘command’ to obey and honor parents is uniquely the ‘first commandment with a promise’ (6:2). Here, Paul connects the promise of being
obedient not only to one’s personal well-being (‘that they may live long’
Ex. 20:12a), but he also connects it to the great ‘promise’ given to Abraham
and his children (Gen. 12: 1-3) who are given
‘a
land by the Lord’ (Ex. 12:12b) so they can be blessed to be a blessing. It is out of this hope of being blessed to
become a blessing that Paul reminds Fathers (and mothers too) of their own parenting
role. This is a ‘role’ that should be as
much preventive, as it is proactive, so that especially these
‘heads’ of households will not ‘provoke
children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the
Lord (6:4).” This simple, compacted
insight still provides one of the greatest Christian and positive psychological
models for what it means to be a Christian parent. A Christian parent is not only one who receives
the blessing and gift of a child in the world, but Christian parents are also responsible
to bless the child who can, in turn,
pass this blessing along to the world.
We don’t
have time in a single sermon, to unpack the preventive or the proactive work of
being a Christian parent, but it is within these are the two polarities, of
preventive concerning the negatives we might fall into and about being proactive
about putting good into their lives, that we all must take serious our call to
be Christian parents. We must make sure
that we work against the negatives of anger, bitterness, and harshness (Eph. 4:
22-32) that may prevent the ‘blessing’ from being communicated to our children. We must also be proactive in positive deeds
(Eph 5: 15-21; Eph 6: 11-18) which will enhance the hope and promise that the
blessing will continue, not just the lives of our children, but also in their
life, for the sake of the life of the world.
But what is the most specific way
we can ‘prevent the negative’ and become ‘proactive’ in the positive? Can we name it? Shouldn’t we at least take time to name the
one thing that can make the difference, not only in people in general, but also
specifically in the way we become Christian parents?
PARENTING OUT OF THE GIFT OF GRACE
The one
thing that should make the difference
between a home that is too often filled with the negatives of anger,
dysfunction and provocation, rather than
a home that is filled with the proactive work of discipline, instruction that
is ‘in the Lord’ (Eph. 6:4) can be summed up in one word. But don’t take my word for it, take Paul’s,
or take this word that has been uniquely revealed to us in all that is
Christian given to us through Jesus Christ.
Paul gives us this most Christian “word” that should serve as the main
guide for Christian parents right at the beginning of this great letter to the
Ephesians where he says: “For by GRACE
you have been saved through faith, and this is not your own doing; it is the GIFT
of God-- not the result of works, so that no one may boast. For we
are what he has made us, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God
prepared beforehand to be our way of life. (Eph. 2:8-10 NRS)
Can we
‘hear’ what Paul is saying in his word about ‘grace’ as it applies to parenting
by ‘grace’? This word is important
because parenting can never be reduced to any of specific list of ‘dos and don’ts’
because there will never be that much difference between being a good parent than being a good
Christian. Everything parents do
to pass on the blessing of faith to their children will have as much to do with
‘who’ we are, as ‘how’ we actually choose to parent
them. The greatest gift we give to our
children will always be more than the ‘things’ we give them, or even the
‘things’ we do for them, but it is must also include ‘how’ we live before them,
and how we live with them, in the goodness and grace of God.
Ron
Edmondson is a pastor in Kentucky who is also a parent of two sons. On the website where he is pastor, he
discusses parenting ‘by grace’. It is
most interesting that he starts by saying that grace as a parenting model was
not complicated for him, but was very simple.
When he and his wife Cheryl were raising their boys, he says they did 6
things that most all good parents do, and then he speaks of what he did that
made parenting most “Christian”. Those
six proactive acts were: They set clear boundaries or rules. They recognize the individuality of each
child. They had a clear mission or goal
that was constantly communicated. They
majored on the majors, not the minors.
They always considered matters of the heart and of character. They made an effort to have fun with their
children. But most of all, in regards to
grace, he says, they gave multiple chances and forgive easily. While they held their sons to very high
Christian standards, they also “extended
to them lots of grace.”
Do you
know why children needs ‘lots of grace’, ---grace to both work against the
negatives in all our lives and to work alongside of the positive, proactive and
intentional ‘good’ things we must do?
Let me answer this with a final story, that I think helps us know why
the only pure Christian way of parenting is to parent by grace. This story is about a preacher who was on a
speaking engagement in Canada, before the really cold weather was supposed to
begin. But when and unexpected snow
came early, his flight was canceled, and he find found himself going out to
find something to eat, with only a light-windbreaker to help him fight the
cold.
He had
been told there was small diner close to where he was staying, where he could
find some breakfast. He stuffed his
little cap with toilet paper to try to keep the wind off his balding head. He
went outside shivering and sliding on the snow, until he arrived at the little
cafe near the bus station. It appeared that every stranded traveler in
Western Canada seemed to be there. Strangers
were pressing and pushing to get out of the cold in hopes to find a seat. When this preacher finally found a place to
sit, a man in a greasy apron came over and said, "Whaddle-ya-have?"
The
preacher said, "May I see the
menu?"
"What
do you want a menu for? We have soup."
"Well,
what kind of soup do you have?"
The
fellow with the greasy apron said, "Soup, do you want soup?
"The
preacher answered, "That's what I was going to order. Give me some
soup."
Well he
brought the soup, and the preacher put the spoon into his mouth and said to
himself, yuck -- it was the most awful -- kind of gray looking -- it was so bad
that he couldn't eat it. He decided to
just sit there with with his hands cupped over it. It was warm, and he sat there with his head
down, his head wrapped in toilet paper – feeling unfortunate with this terrible
soup. But the soup was warm, so at least
thought he could get some benefit out of the warmth that steamed from it.
Then the
door opened and the whole room was filled with icy wind. "Close the
door!", someone shouted. In came
this little woman clutching her little coat. She found a place not far from the
preacher and sat down. The greasy apron man came. "What do you want?"
"A
glass of water."
He
brought a glass of water, took out his tablet, and said, "Now what do you
want?"" Just the water," she responded.
"Lady,
you have to order."
"Well,
I just want a glass of water."
"Look
Lady, I have customers that pay. What do you think this is, a church or
something -- now what do you want?"
"Just
a glass of water and some time to get warm."
"Look
-- there are people that are paying here. Now if you are not going to order,
you've got to leave."
The
waiter was real loud and everybody in the cafe heard him. So the little woman
got up to leave, but you'll never believe what happened. Almost as rehearsed, everybody in that little
diner stood up and started toward the door at one time. The preacher said he
got up too and started to the door, thinking to himself, "Well if they’re
voting, I’m voting. I don't know exactly
what it is -- but I’ll not be left out."
The man
in the greasy apron said, "All right. All right. All right. All right. She
can stay."
Everybody
sat down and the man brought the woman a bowl of soup. Everybody was quiet -- a
new spirit spread over the crowd.
Fred
asked the person sitting nearby who she was. The fellow had never seen her
before. She was a just a stranger. Maybe she was homeless. As the place grew quiet, the preacher said, you
could hear the sipping of that awful soup throughout the room. The preacher said, "They are evening
making this soup look good, I'm going to
try mine again." So the preacher
put the spoon to the soup, and this is what he said. "You know, it was not
bad soup. Everybody was eating the soup. I started eating the soup. It was
pretty good soup. I have no idea what kind of soup it was. I don't know what
was in it. But I do recall when I was eating it, it tasted a little bit like
bread and wine....just a little bit like bread and wine." It must have been because they were all
gathering around a table of grace (As told
about Fred Craddock, by Maxie Dunnam in his sermon entitled: “Family, A Place for Persons”, 2006),
Here is
why the most important thing a parent can do is to be a parent who parents by
grace. Because grace is what everyone
needs. Grace is how God blesses the
parent. Grace is how the parent blesses
the child. Grace is how the parent and
the child continue to be blessed and to be God’s blessing in the world. Amen.
